THE JOURNEY TO SKINNY :)

well...

i should at least make it a habit to write in here once a week.

all im going to say for just now is that im fucking up. huge fat disgusting overeating greedy little bitch.

i want this so badly but i cant seem to capture it anymore.
im not as strong.

its 00:40am. so as from now... f*uck you food, i never want to see you in my sight ever again.

holyyyyyy!!

ive not written in here for frickin forever!!

well its november now...
alots happened between july and now.

met a guy at the end of july,
fell in love with him in august,
got shipped away to uni in september, (hate it)
suffered all of october,
and now november...

well it doesnt sound alot but the main thing was falling in love because ive never been in love before... :)

my weight dropped dramatically when i hit uni, i went to the doctors to start the pill and she aske dme to step on the scales... i'd lost 15lbs!! fucked up thing was that it didnt even look like it. the other fucked up thing is that ive put back on like 8 of lbs. but my weights always fluctuating 4ish lbs anyways.

im craving to drop way down into the double digits tho (im obviously triple digits!)

99lbs sounds like such a dream number... (for me anyways)

anyways, past couple of days have been fucked up binges. scrap that, the past few WEEKS have been one constant binge. i tried a fresh start on monday but failed. and i want to start afresh today but my friend is visiting to cheer me up and i know that we're goin to have pizza for tea then go for a couple of drinks. ek.

oh well. guess it starts wednesday.

i want to be shockingly thin for when my parents collect me to take me home. i also want my boyfriend to be able to feel my bones... :p

messed up world. i just want to shock people and make everyone back at home talk about me and say how much better i look (even tho it will be more like "you have to eat! youre too thin girl!") haha but i want that aswell!! :p

ok so im goin to try and update this more often. >>> :)

love xxx

 hey girlies

have the house to myself- just been thinspo searching! dont need to worry about parents walking into the kitchen and looking at whats on the laptop! my mum caught me looking at some news article of a girl who weighed just over 3 stone (over 42lbs) and she said it was shocking but luckily she didnt clue up.

and ivealso lost 4lbs yay!

but im so annoyed, i probably shouldnt. some girl emailed me on this asking for tips etc. then she started a journey and stole my journey title!!! grrrrrrrrrrr!!

x
 

 no entry for yesterday. i spent most of the day crying and ended up in bed stuffing myself on Ben & Jerrys chocolate brownie ice cream and a bar of chocolate fruit and nut.

not pleased with myself. but i fkd up. i cant be bothered beating myself up about it. it was what i needed.

so today:

weight: 146lbs.                 ...whatever.

i'll make it come off.

weight this morning: 144lbs!!

that makes me a bit happier, but i really doubt its true cos i think its fluctuating period weight!

but as of today im going to try extra hard. its a monday so its nice fresh start.

so this morning i had a glass of grapefruit juice and an egg ( i really hope that this claim about grapefruit juice burning fat gives me fast results!) and then i had a glass of diet coke cos i had run out of grapefruit juice lol.

also plan on going on a run later, or at least a massive walk. i wish i had my bike (wheels are punctured grrr) cos that really toned me all over and i could travel for miles and miles!

well so far (if i can trust the scales/fluctuating weight) ive lost 3 lbs since i had my revelation.
not great- but a start :)

weight this morning: 146lbs
weight loss? 1lb?

but it cant be any actual weight loss because ive been eating (tonnes)

im on my period and its the first time ive ever had a sore tummy :(  
and the food has comforted me. which is very sad lol.

i couldnt sleep last night so i started doing some crunches but it proved too sore.
plan to go on a huge walk this evening, just walk for miles and miles and loose myself in my ipod. 
i live in the country so its great for escaping. sometimes i just go and sit somewhere secluded and wander about life and on some occasions i cry about guys.  i just let myself drift off into another world and watch the current world go by. its one of my secret pleasures :)

anyhoos, feeling a bit motivated today. not overly, but enough to know that i still want this ED. :)
x

well a general intro...

basically im going to use this as a diary to track my journey through weightloss.
a year ago i was obsessed with this - i was exercising for hours a day and virtually eating nothing. and when i did eat, id throw it up. after throwing up i'd get a huge adrenoline rush and wold force myself to go sprinting. but somehow i slowly fell out of the whole ana/mia thing. (i have never been in recovery as i have never been dangerously thin and i have never been diagnosed)

so i suppose now im perfectly fine.
but the thing is i want my ED back cos i crave the control and i want to see my body shrinking.

but as a result of eating normally, i now weigh 147lbs (as of this morning) which upsets me.

so im going to try and force myself back into ana and mia. (i follow both)

so thats the general theme. hopefully i will be able to record my dropping weight :) :) :)

 WOW, ive had this page for over a year and this is the first time ive done something about it!!

maybe its just me, but these things are so confusing..!